Possible Avoidance, Doctors and Things To Do

So, it’s not like I’ve been avoiding posting anything on here, I’ve just been a little depressed lately. Bad things are happening all over the place. Bombings, ricin, bullies, and just the general people being idiots too. The weather in my area is so not helping either. Rainy, chilly, drab and dreary looking, just most unpleasant.

My Spouse-Like-Person and I have been doing a marathon of Once Upon a Time. We stopped watching after the first season to let the episodes build up because we don’t really like suspense, lol. So this past Sunday, we’ve been watching the episodes we have in the DVR. Where in the hell do they dig up these hot, sexy looking actors? Man. Not just the guys, the ladies too, are quite beautiful. I’m not really a fan of a man wearing eyeliner, but the guy that plays Captain Killian “Hook” Jones pulls it off and is … just wow. Colin O’Donoghue. Yep. Google him. Now.

Besides that, it got me thinking to do a post about what I like to do in my down time, or at least when I’m not doing something online or on the computer. I love to read. Probably one of the things that I like doing the most, but I’m really picky when it comes to books. I also like watch tv and movies as well listen to music.

I seem to go in waves of other things that I like to waste my time on. Right now it is jig saw puzzles. Not sure why, but I like putting together puzzles. This past winter, I really got into cross stitching. I started stitching ornaments for the Christmas tree. My goal is to have enough to be the only ornaments on the tree, and still have it look full. So far, I’ve got maybe 10 done? Not sure. I started with the intent to have the ornaments be things from Super Mario, like the 1-Up mushroom, fire flower, piranha plant, Yoshi’s egg, the magic flute and stuff like that. However, I’m starting to think that with the things I have picked out that I want to stitch, that won’t be enough to cover the tree so I’m going to start looking for patterns for other video game characters, power ups and other objects that are easily recognizable.

Other things I like to do are draw, even though I’m really bad at it. Every now and then, I’ll actually draw something that is pretty spectacular or really good at least. I also love to bake cookies, cakes, cupcakes and other tasty desserts. Playing the piano is fun too and writing in general.

As for computer related things that I like to do are read fan fiction, but again, I’m really pick when it comes to that. I also like sim games like Roller Coaster Tycoon and Zoo Tycoon. I think my all-time favorite games for the computer are Wolfenstein 3D and Doom. In addition to games on the computer, I also love video games.

In addition to the above, I like to make cards with my mom. She’s got a super awesome basement that is like a scrapbooking heaven. I also like to sleep in, but I can’t seem to do that lately.

Now for something a little different.. My SLP and I have been on pretty good terms lately, there is still a lot of stress and things between us. He still won’t stop talking during tv shows, making the marathon of Once Upon a Time a little annoying. We recently played kitty rescuers. I wanted to keep one, but he said no. It was even the colors that I want in a cat. However, last year and the year before I was the one saying no to a new kitten in the house. But now that I’ve seen kittens again and been around them again, I want another one.

Something even more different, I think I need to go to the doctor. I’ve had this breathing thing for a while now. I don’t even know what to call it really. I go through I guess waves of a few days where I feel like I can’t get a deep enough breath. I’m not choking or anything like that; it just feels like I’m not getting enough air in to fully expand my diaphragm so I’m constantly yawning. I also think that I may have that sleep apnea thing too. I snore on my back, I snore on my stomach and I snore on my side. Never used to be a horrible snorer, but since I’ve gained weight, the snoring has gotten worse. Never really would snore on my stomach or side unless I was sick and stuffed up. I also just feel constantly tired and run down, like I just don’t get enough sleep even though I try to nearly always get at least seven hours of sleep. My parents keep hounding me to set up an appointment and I keep telling them that I’m working on it, but I’m scared to go. I don’t want to find out that something is massively wrong with me or be told that I have to lose weight.

Look, I already know that. I fight with my weight issues every day and it makes me sad that I even let myself get this way in the first place. But depression sucks ass. There are only so many things that can be said to lose weight and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard them all and tried a lot of things. I refuse to be bulimic because the thought of vomiting after eat is just terrible and I cry every time I vomit. So it’s just not an option. Even if it were a healthy option, I still wouldn’t do it. Anorexia, I’ve sort of been that before. It wasn’t really serious or anything, but I would eat, but hardly anything at all. I’ve thought about doing that again, but I’ve come to realize that I like food too much. Especially bread. I love bread, crackers, pasta, ugh, and it goes straight to my ass and thighs every time.

Anyway, yeah. I’m just scared to go. That’s it. I know I’m going to be told that I need to get rid of some weight. I’ll have joint issues later on in life or sooner from carrying so much weight around on my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah.. I get it.

So I guess, that’s another thing I do in my down time is think about shit like this and worry about it. Not awesome. But I’m trying to be better about it. Promise.

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