One Thing I Wish I’d Known Better

Man, one thing I wish I’d known better… There are so many to pick from really. I guess the biggest one and the one I still struggle with is money management. It’s not something that comes easy to me, though I like to think I can handle my income. I make enough that I could live on my own, probably without a tv- provided I have a tablet or computer to watch stuff on, so I’d need to have an internet provider and of course a mobile phone. Also would need a car so I can get to and from work and other places I may need to go. However, my current living situation should be saving me money but it’s not. My SLP does not have a job, but still receives money so he has some sort of an income, but the income I earn from working is the primary flow of money.

I know I can keep a check book balanced if I had to, but in the past I had trouble even doing that and went under a few times. Once bad enough I had to be bailed out. Was spending, but didn’t have the money. That was a lesson learned and it’s been quite a while since my bank account went under for anything. My issue is, I know how to do it, I just don’t want to do it. So my SLP has taken over my account and he manages all the money. Making weekly budgets, deciding what to spend on groceries and house hold supplies each week if we need to get something like toilet paper. Also makes sure all the bills are paid on time. We don’t have that many of them, but there are enough that still makes my paycheck stretched tight each time I’m paid.

I just wish that we had put a large chunk of money we received due to someone dying a few years ago to better use. I’m told that it’s my fault a lot of it was used up because I didn’t have a job for what my SLP says was two years. That’s actually false, as it was only at most one year. My SLP is the one that hasn’t had a job since high school, and that’s 13 years ago this year since his last job. I have been working steadily since the end of August, beginning of September of 2008 at the current company I’m at now, only thing was I was a temp until this past October when I was finally hired on in a full time position with fabulous benefits.

I get it, losing a parent is hard and it puts you in a funk for a while, but during that funk, I was the one that got the house cleaned and had people over that I trusted to help me clean. My SLP was the one that stayed in bed, stewing because people I trusted were over helping get the house cleaned up and just not so cluttered anymore. It’s not like it was dirty and grimy, just stuff that needed going through and things that needed to be put away. Since then, it’s been easier to get the house clean, but there are still things that take a bit to get done. I think eventually I’d like to get a cleaning schedule set for the house that makes it easier to clean instead of running around like crazy 10 minutes before someone comes over. It’s kind of hard to get basement stink out of the air in 10 minutes. Only thing really is to make fresh bread, and even that takes more than 10 minutes to mix, let sit to rise, then shape the dough, let is rise again and then finally bakes nearly two hours later.

Another thing I wish I’d known better was that even in their crazy way, my parents just wanted what was best for me. If it meant a ridiculous list of rules that I had to follow, then I guess I would have gone along with it. Instead, I rebelled, moved out and stopped going to school. Guess that’s not exactly what they wanted for me, but it’s what they got. I didn’t care if it hurt them, because they hurt me with the stupid rules. It didn’t help that I was clinically depressed and during the beginning of the school year, I was at a psychologist, and my mom was seeing a different psychologist in the next room over. My mom’s psychologist was also a family therapist, and my whole immediate family has gone to appointments with the family therapist as well as just my parents and myself seeing her. Well one day when my mom and I had appointments, and for the last part of it, my psychologist and I went into the office next to her office to meet with my mom and the family therapist. Apparently, they somehow decided that I was going to be hospitalized because I was zoning out and not wanting to pay attention to what they were talking about. I was livid that I was being stuck in a mental hospital when there wasn’t anything seriously enough wrong with me to have to go. In addition to being livid, I felt sad and even more than feeling sad, I felt abandoned. So after a few weeks after the new school year started, I had to be pulled from school for nearly two weeks to be monitored at the hospital. I was not a suicide risk, or even a risk to myself or others. So to this day, I’m still kind of baffled as to why I was even put in the hospital. My only guess would be is that my parents thought they were doing what was right at the time. Didn’t help that my psychologist, who I thought was on my side, even agreed with the family therapist and my mom that I needed the help the hospital could provide. Maybe that’s something I’ll have to ask my mom about. It’s not something that I like talking about much because I truly don’t understand why I went. Maybe my parents thought that it was something that was really going to help me.

Ugh, that’s enough of that, lol. Talking about that is making me all depressed and reminding me of how I pretty much threw my life away after getting out of the hospital because I thought it was the end of the world I was even there. I guess that really doesn’t have much to do with something I wish I’d known better. Anyway, I’m typing up a dream I had the other night so I think some time later today I’ll get that posted.



Abandoned Locals

Alright, so it’s not like I forgot to post, I just ran out of time on Wednesday and yesterday when I started this post. Wednesday, work was crazy busy and when I got home, I feel asleep at the computer instead of on the couch like I usually do. I suppose I could have written a post during my lunch on Wednesday, but that was spent looking at pictures of abandoned and derelict amusement parks and buildings. Yesterday though, I actually started this post, but I got all distracted looking at more pictures and getting links to said pictures. Last night my SLP and I went to Menards to get some ideas for kitchen flooring, new siding for the house, shingles for the roof and other home improvement things as well as a weed whacker. I thought about finishing this last night, but after Menards we went out to dinner and I got a margarita. Wow.. I hadn’t had a drink with booze in it for a while and that tequila hit me like a ton of bricks and kicked my ass. I got sooo sleepy. Granted, I haven’t been going to bed at a decent time lately, staying up reading or writing or playing Simpsons Tapped Out.

Anyway, I have no idea why, but that stuff fascinates me. Maybe it’s seeing nature reclaim the land that was cleared for whatever is there. Or maybe it’s seeing an amusement park that used to have a ton of happy and excited people pass through its gates now looking so forlorn and empty. I would love for the opportunity to go to an abandoned amusement park to explore and take pictures. It would be creepy and really exciting at the same time.

I came across Michael John Grist’s site while Google-ing abandoned amusement parks. He has taken some amazing and beautiful photos of the places he’s been to. One of my favorite sets is from Nara Dreamland (pictures here), a derelict amusement park that is a knock off of Disney Land. So I’ve been spending most of my free time looking at all the pictures he’s got. One of the sets that made me really sad were the pictures (pictures here) of Oradou-sur-Glane, a village in France. For that one, the pictures on his site are from other people. It’s just a sad story from World War II. Nearly everyone in the village, including three people passing through the village on bikes were massacred by a German Waffen-SS company. The women and children were locked in the church while the men were locked in barns and gunned down with machine-guns. After the men were killed, shot in the legs to prolong the pain of death, the soldiers covered them with fuel and set the barns on fire. The soldiers then went to the church and burned it down with the women and children in it.

Another set of photos that made me quite sad were pictures he took of the Hiroshima A-bomb Dome (pictures here). I’m not going to go into the bombing of Hiroshima here because there are tons of other places that you can read about it in more detail. The dome was originally the Hiroshima Trade Promotion Hall and was only 150 meters away from the blast hypocenter. Per one of the captions under a picture it says “The Genbaku Dome was originally scheduled to be demolished with the rest of the ruins, but the fact that it was mostly intact delayed these plans. As Hiroshima was rebuilt around the dome, it became a subject of controversy; some locals wanted it torn down, while others wanted to preserve it as a memorial of the bombing.” There is also a peace museum as well and documents the aftermath of the bombing.

In the film Hannah (one movie I will always watch if it’s on tv because I love it and the music in it), part of the film takes place in the abandoned Spreepark in Berlin. Spreepark started out as Kulturpark Plänterwald in 1969 and in 1989 the name was changed to Spreepark Berlin. In 2001, the park closed and in 2002 the park owner moved to Peru to set up another park there called Lunapark. The owner failed in his attempt to run the new park so he moved back to Berlin and tried to smuggle 180 kg of cocaine from Peru to Germany in the masts of the flying carpet ride. Apparently, since 2011 there have been guided tours of the park at restricted times.  Pictures of Spreepark

Something else that has always fascinated me is the town of Pripyat that is within the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone (pictures here). That is just another massively sad story of what happened at Chernobyl and the people of the town. A message on local radio was that an accident occurred at the plant, but made it sound like the damage and radiation was localized. Another thing I’ve recently read about Pripyat was that the Ferris wheel, for many years was thought to be unused, may have been as pictures have surfaced somewhere showing it being used. Like the caption says for the picture of the Ferris wheel on the page I liked in this paragraph, the Ferris wheel may have been used in the 36 hours between the incident and the evacuation to take the focus off the plant while they were assessing the situation.

And now because I’m massively lazy, here are a bunch of links to other sets of pictures from abandoned places and other awesome things.

Nara Dreamland

Underwater Lion City

Abandoned Russian Riviera Resort

Abandoned Haunted Hospital

Abandoned NSA Listening Station on Devils Mountain

Abandoned Six Flags New Orleans