Time for a brief update on things going on in my life, I suppose. Well, for once things are starting to go really good. I own a house officially, or at least that’s what it says on the mortgage. With that new mortgage at a lower rate, we’ll also be getting a home equity line of credit so we can finally start those renovations that we’ve been putting off as well as wipe out all debt we have- which honestly isn’t much. And by the end of the year, I should be the proud owner of a new car.. but we’ll see how it works out.
Personally, I’ve been going to some doctors, last week and tomorrow I have an appointment. I’m finally getting my life back in order and finding out what I need to do to accomplish certain things. I’m actually scared to go to my appointment tomorrow. I don’t know. Since my person had surgery a few years ago now for weight loss, gastric bypass, I would always tell him that he was cheating. To me, he really was cheating because I didn’t think he ever really tried hard enough on his own to lose the weight. For me, I’ve tried all sorts of things, even starving myself, but none of them seemed to work. All I managed was to maybe lose some weight, but then maintained my weight.
For me though, I feel like that if the only other option for me is surgery as well, that it would be cheating and a sign that I failed that I couldn’t do this on my own. I don’t like being a failure, but I think I fail at everything. I’m really messed up a lot of the time, but I’ve been getting better and I’m also slowly returning back to the self I was before the depression and anxiety hit hard. It’s been a long journey so far, and it will be a path that I have to travel the rest of my life. It’s not like I’ll wake up one morning and everything is gone and I’m magically all better. Do you know how many times I wished that would happen? Never does and never will unless I work at it- which I am.
It’s hard for me to know that I will be turning 30 next year. I thought turning 28 was hard, but wow, I really do not want to turn 30 next year. I think part of my problem is that I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I thought I’d have at least one child by now and one on the way, a nicer house and a husband that actually had a job and provided decent income. Doesn’t have to be a rich guy, just one that was a bit better at money handling and had a good job as well as not sleep all damn day.
Anyway, I will find out tomorrow what I need to do for this weight loss thing. Hopefully it’s all good news… but I’m still terrified.
I’ve decided that I’m ready for the stupid today. I’ve got a feeling it’s going to be bad. I’m sure it’s also going to be a busier than normal Monday as well because of the holiday weekend.
Not meaning to change the subject, but I kind of need to. I kind of feel like I’m forcing myself to write posts for this lately. It’s not that I’ve lost interest in posting on here, I just haven’t had interesting dreams lately and I feel like I’m beating a dead horse with my complaints. I’ve also been devoting nearly all of my writing time to my Batman project. So far I’ve got quite a lot done on it, though I have no idea how to end it. I just haven’t gotten to a point where I need to start thinking about how to end it.
I’ve also gotten back into beading and making bracelets for myself. They are pretty awesome if I do say so myself lol.
Other than that, there isn’t much that is new with me. Oh! I officially own a house now and I don’t know how to feel about that really. I sort of see it as something permanent and tying me to a relationship that I still don’t know if I want to be in. Well, I do want to be in the relationship, but we’ve just been going through some rough spots and a long dry spell that sometimes makes it hard for me to see anything positive out of the relationship.
But with the new mortgage and signing those papers, it feels as though I’m moving on to a new chapter in my life and I’m actually excited for what the future is going to bring. It’s a fabulous feeling when things fall into place.
I’ll try to post something at least once a week here, but I’m hoping to post twice. We’ll see how it works out. Until the next post, have a lovely day!
Alright world, it’s not like I forgot about posting on here.. I’ve been avoiding it for a while. Mostly because I don’t know what I want to talk about on here anymore. Most of my time lately has been spent on my Batman writing project and trying to spend time with my person. He was gone for a few days and I enjoyed the time to myself a lot, but I did actually miss him after a while.
I also did something recently that I know was wrong and should not have done, but went and did it anyway. I’m not going to say what specifically, but I will say that it could have been a lot worse. It wasn’t anything bad, just not good. It may or may not have involved an entire batch of cookies.. But I’m not going to say.
Something else that’s new, my manager confided in me that she’s getting sick of the bull shit that’s going on in the department, people calling in sick, taking days off and whatever without any regard to coverage needed for the phones. Specifically, she told me about one particular person who is going to be getting different hours, but has been abusing their time off lately and so my manager is thinking about not giving this particular person the new hours. If this person doesn’t get their shit together, then those hours are mine. I love that my manager trusts me with information like that and she values the work I do. By far, she is probably the BEST manager I have ever had anywhere for a job.
I know I won’t have much time to write a new post this week other than today, but I will try on the 4th- which seems to be the only day this week I’ll be able to get one done. So until Thursday, this is going to be a short but sweet post.
If I don’t get one done, I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday! Don’t blast any fingers, limbs, eyes, ears or other body parts off with fireworks!