Life Sucks

Wow, talk about interesting weekend. Friday after work, I went out with some co-workers for drinks. I felt bad because I’m always too broke to be able to participate in stuff like that, and I was also massively tired so since I was sort of forced to go, I didn’t plan to stay long so I could go home and go to bed early. With all my good intentions of not drinking and leaving early, that didn’t happen. I ended up having a few drinks and staying until about 10:30ish. It was actually a lot of fun and I found out some interesting things about some people that I work with, and was also given more reasons to dislike some of the people that I work with.

There were some awkward moments Friday night…mostly between myself and another co-worker. I know that it only happened because he was drunk, but I’m not going to lie, the attention was nice and rather flattering. It’s interesting to see how “beer goggles” work. There were quite a few I love you’s said from this particular co-worker and I kept telling him to save those for his wife. Then as I was leaving, he hugged me and kissed me cheek a few times. Again, the attention was nice, but it was only because he was drunk.

Another thing I found out about the co-workers I went out with was that they think I weigh less than I really do. I’m not sure if they are being nice or what, but it was nice to know that they think I’m not as heavy as I really am.

Saturday was pretty good, slept until about 2:00 that afternoon- which is something I did not mean to do. I got up with my alarm that morning, but decided that I was just going to stay in bed all day and then fell back asleep.

Then there’s Sunday. Started out just fine, went over to my parents, spent the day with my mom and helped organize some things in the basement. Then dinner came around. I had to run home to get my Spouse-Like-Person, and when I walked in the door he said that we had to go get water for the fish tank. The store we get it from closes at 6:00 pm on Sunday and it was around 5:25 when I got home and dinner was supposed to be at 5:30. I was pissed. There was no reason why I had to go to the stupid store to get water with him. If he had better time management skills, he could have started cleaning the fish tank earlier in the day, had time to go get the water, and then we could have gone right back to my parents.

Dinner was bad. Not that it tasted bad, in fact it was delicious, but the “dinner discussion” was bad. Basically my dad ripped my SLP a new one. It’s the second time since I have been with my SLP that this has happened. The first time was after he finished mowing the lawn at my house and my SLP was mad that I didn’t defend him or take his side. I just stood there silent with tears streaming down my face. Same thing happened last night, my dad just basically went off and my SLP stood his ground a bit and fired back at my dad. I sat there stunned and again silent, but then started to cry. My SLP looked to me to say something and when I didn’t he got mad at me. I told him afterwards when we were at home that I agreed with my dad on a lot of those issues. Let’s face it. My SLP and I are not ready to take care of a house. We do not have the money and we are not able to do a lot of the work ourselves, so it going to cost even more to have the work done by someone else.

I asked my SLP on the way home last night if he wants to stay in the house. He said that he wants to make it our home. I’m not going to lie. That scares me a bit because I’m not sure that I want a future with my SLP.

I don’t even know what I want in life anymore. I’m not sure I want to have kids. I don’t know if I even want to be married or with someone for the rest of my life. I just don’t know. If I could figure out what I want out of life, it would help a lot. I am actually quite scared to move forward in life because the unknown is scary and I don’t know that I can handle whatever else life decides to throw my way.

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