Not Even Sure What to Title This…

I guess it’s kind of been a few days since I’ve posted anything on here; I’ve been kind of busy. Between helping my parents with a massive five day garage sale (they are kind of crazy), singing at church and dealing with a grumpy Spouse-Like-Person… it has either been happy or irritating.

So, I will start with the garage sale. My parents have been purging their house since they had to empty out the kitchen to remodel it back in February. My mom has been calling it a pre-estate sale so my brother and I don’t have too much stuff to try and deal with for when they die. With my parents purging their house, I’ve been bringing some things home with me that I want to keep. My SLP is having major issues with that. Some of the stuff I’ve brought home is kind of silly and I think to myself, what in the world am I going to do with that. While other things I’ve brought home, I have an emotional attachment to that I am not quite ready to get rid of. Other things are useful to me, like a sewing machine that’s old, but a lot better than the one we have. But my SLP was the exact name and model number of the sewing machine I brought home to see what it is worth to sell. Umm.. nope. I’m not going to sell it. Not yet at least. Sure it’s an older machine and a pain in the ass to thread the bobbin, but it sews beautifully, and a lot better than the other one. My SLP thinks he knows everything about the other machine, not mine, because he read the manual that came with it. I don’t care, but every time I try to sew on it, the bobbin gets all mangled because he fucked with the tension settings and now no matter what fabric I’m sewing the bobbin gets messed up.

Because of the garage sale, I’ve been spending a lot of time over at my parents to help get ready for the sale, help write up things for Craigslist and show my mom how to put ads up as well as helping each night after work during the week and on the weekend as well. As I’m sure you can guess, my SLP had issues with me being gone so much and helping my parents more than I “help out around the house.” He’s upset because I didn’t call when I was going to be later than I planned. At least I get that one, worried something might have happened like a flat tire or I’m upside down in a ditch somewhere.

Next thing would be singing with a choir like group at church on Saturday night. He’s upset with me because I didn’t talk with him before committing myself to this. Ok, I honestly didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, practice on Thursday night before the Saturday we sing. And! It’s only every other week. So really, not that big of a deal. He’s also upset because I volunteered to be a table parent for this thing my church does called LOGOS every Wednesday night during the school year. His line of thinking is that it’s for people with kids and old people. He has said it’s just weird that I’m helping because I have no kids. Fine, let it be weird, but at this point I’m not even sure that I will ever have kids, so this will have to do.

Speaking of church and singing, I’m not sure I like the director of the group I sing with. She’s kind of snotty and a little rude sometimes and even bossy. Though I suppose she has a right to be bossy, but not snotty. She’s also not too keen with some of the staff of the church. Not sure what her problem is, but there’s no reason to say bad things about them. However, I’m trying to convince her that Starlight by Muse would be a good song to do one Saturday night.

My SLP asked why I was doing the singing at church. Honestly, I thought that I would be playing piano, just the left hand (lower notes), and not singing. But I’m singing now, and that’s not too bad and I kind of actually like singing. I told him that I missed it. He asked what I missed. I told him that I wasn’t sure what I missed about it, but I didn’t want to say something that he would just end up using against me later on. I missed being part of something that’s fun. He figured as much and said that if I missed being part of something that there are other things that I can be a part of and not just stuff at my church. He also told me not to get too comfortable because I might have to switch churches because my SLP does not like my church due to its size. It is large physically, as well as large member wise. My SLP thinks that when we have kids (if ever now) that we should go to a neutral church that neither of us have been to nor been members of. The one he wants to go to is an ok one, and I wouldn’t mind it, except I really like my church and the people there and I’ve been a member there all my life and I don’t see myself changing churches. Does that make me a bad person? I really hope not. To be honest, I don’t even think that my SLP would even go to church if we were to ever have kids.

Out of all of this, I think he’s just more upset that I didn’t spend a lot of time with him this past week. But for him to tell me to not get too comfortable in my own church and the activities that I do there.

Another thing that I’m actually more upset about than I thought was yesterday I was able to talk to my sister-in-law about my nephew being baptized soon and who they were thinking for God Parents. As it turns out, she was thinking one person who absolutely adores my nephew. My brother was thinking about another couple who would actually be great God Parents. I’m just kind of upset that I wasn’t even in the running for it. I have a feeling it’s because of my SLP.

No one in my family really likes my SLP- they mostly think he is a lazy ass that doesn’t do much around the house and I’m the one that ends up doing it all. Most of the time they would be correct. He mostly sleeps all day, complains about money that I spend (that I earn by working a full time job by the way), constantly telling me that my eating habits are bad and that I should eat better (really? Like I don’t already know that), that I would make a bad parent because I only think of myself and wouldn’t take care of the kid and finally about how I do nothing around the house. I don’t do a lot around the house because a lot of the time I don’t care. I also feel that because I was the one that tried to keep the house clean so many times before he would even help or think about helping that it’s just not my turn to care anymore. I will give him this though, he has been cleaning at night when I’m sleeping, but it’s not clean clean like I want it to be. I’m still planning on doing some massive cleaning some weekend, but my cleaning is also going to be purging the house. I should have done that sooner and had stuff at the garage sale my parents just had, would have been perfect. Now, I’ll have to wait until the fall to see if I could maybe have some stuff at a garage sale one of my aunties will be having. I have decided that if I do have stuff at the next “family” garage sale, I’m not sharing whatever I end up making with my SLP.

My dad brought up the fact that it would probably be better if my SLP and I moved into a condo. That way we wouldn’t have to worry about mowing a lawn, home repairs, a mortgage.. I don’t know. We thought about it after my SLP’s mother died, but for us to move out of the house would take a lot of work because there is just a lot of stuff. Not all of it is even savable, but it means something to my SLP so I can’t get rid of it he has to and unfortunately he probably won’t.

I don’t even know anymore. I just wish I could figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m happy with the things that I’m doing like my job, volunteering and singing at church and they are things that I’ve missed greatly, but my SLP does not fully support me in these endeavors. He thinks they are just going to be passing fads I seem to cycle through like cross stitching, knitting, painting, drawing- that sort of stuff. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I just wish my SLP would me more than tell me that I can’t do things like this. Maybe I need to give my support in order to get his support. I can’t say that I’ve supported him recently in anything other than a surgery a while ago. I’m told that I’m not supportive to him, but I don’t know what I need to be supportive of. Am I supposed to support his choice to sleep nearly all day? No, because that’s not something that I want to support. Like I said, I don’t even know anymore.

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